Title: Nothing Until Now
Author: Michelle K. (CageyGrl@yahoo.com)
Site: http://glimmershine.tripod.com
Pairing: CJ/Toby
Rating: R
Spoilers: "Manchester"
Summary: Solutions aren't found.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. 

*

"You and Doug are really getting along, aren't you?"

"I don't think I've ever loved someone more." 

CJ smiled without humor as she stepped back, resting her body 
weight on the porch. "You want to yell at me?"

Toby didn't really understand where she was going with this, but 
he didn't let it show. "No, I'm good."

Her fake grin stayed plastered on, barely covering the weeks of 
being the administration's punching bag. He didn't want to yell at 
her, nor did he want to pretend everything was okay. 

Kissing her seemed to make the most sense at the time.

*

It occurred to him that she wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't 
drunk and depressed but, even when he'd imagined going to bed with 
her -- as he often had -- it wasn't particularly poetic. He never 
much believed in life being lyrical, even though she sometimes 
tempted him to want to believe in the possibility of magic. 

"God," she hissed into his ear as he slid his hand between her 
thighs. Her hips rocked against his fingers, spreading more of 
herself against his skin.

Her hand gripped his shoulder, the cold of her palm a contrast to 
the warmth in his. When she came, she barely made a sound. 

*

When he pushed inside her, he thought, 'We should've done this 
sooner.' But he didn't say it; something about it kept him from 
showing his gratification. 

His arms framed her face, giving him an excuse to keep watching 
her closely. He came. She didn't.

She slid out from underneath him, pulling the sheets to cover her 
nude frame. A way to say, 'This is over,' but he didn't move.

They kept their silence, held it close enough to stifle even the 
sound of their breathing. He was struck with the desire to 
apologize, even if he wasn't really sorry about what they'd done. 
Maybe he didn't have to invest in unease; it seemed like she had 
enough for the both of them. He needed her to want this, but he 
didn't have much skill at inspiring her need. Not even at her most 
vulnerable.

The disappointment was the most bitter thing he'd ever tasted, and 
he had a lot to choose from.

"CJ--" he finally let out. 

"I'm going to resign." 

He could think of nothing to say, no way to make 'Don't leave' 
compelling.

Again, he kissed her. He didn't fool himself into believing 
anything was solved.

END